Recently I overheard someone make a very interesting statement that provoked some thought. They said “Whenever I’ve asked someone, ‘Do you think you can handle this?’ no one has ever replied, ‘No.'”

Now it’s reasonable to believe, that a percentage of the people asked the above question have not always been able to handle whatever project was the subject of the question.

So how do you find the balance between encouraging and challenging others and setting expectations that are unrealistic?

I think a missing piece to this puzzle is found through definitions – the importance of which I am constantly being reminded of.

Define what “handle” or interchangeably, in this case, “capable” means. And in tangent to setting a definition, you must frequently communicate this definition of capability to others.

I’ve come up with a general definition that: capability is not being able to handle everything but knowing what you can and can not handle, and taking action to keep the ball rolling when things extend beyond your expertise.

If you this definition is not set and frequently communicate I think this is a poor question to ask. Framing anything as “Do you think you can handle ___?” prompts people to think ‘handling’ means they have sole responsibility. That they must solely carry this project – and to say no they can’t handle it would be viewed as incompetent or unacceptable. Which is why they answer yes, often I believe out of fear.

Any because answer or decision made out of fear is destructive it is the job of managers and anyone asking this question to clearly lay out the definition so as to avoid receiving an answer made out of fear.

Steve Jobs does a good job of briefly explaining this dynamic in minute 59:27 of this talk.

I love how he says, “One of the keys to Apple is Apple is an incredibly collaborative company. Do you know how many committees we have? Zero committees…Apple is the biggest startup on the planet…Teamwork is dependent on trusting the other folks to show up with their part without watching them all the time.”

This is so important because it not only a) eliminates hierarchy and it allows the best ideas to win, which is essential to keeping good people at your company and therefore the success of a business b) trusts that people are capable, able to handle their responsibility and know when they need to pull in someone else’s expertize where they are lacking.

Therefore, as cliche, as it sounds, being capable is knowing when you aren’t capable – and when dealing with something beyond what you are capable of taking appropriate action to continue the progress of the project.

The next time someone asks you, “Do you think you can handle this?” Tell them, “To the best of my abilities I will take action to keep the ball rolling with this project, and when my expertise is lacking I’ll collaborate and bring the problems to the attention of the team.”

(I think if practiced, this could be the cause of a promotion or at an improvement in communication.)