If there’s one thing that humans are good at, it’s talking.

However, talking is not the same as having a good conversation. In fact, they can often be in opposite directions.

For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to loosely define a productive conversation as a verbal exchange between two parties where both leave feeling understood. I think generally this is a safe goal to establish for most conversations.

Here are 3 tips to achieving that goal:  

1. Eliminate filler words. It’s incredible the frequency that we use  “ums”, “like” and a wide variety of other verbal fluff that impedes our ability to speak effectively. Although this may seem like a personal pet peeve determined by the author, rest assured – it is, I firmly believe you will be listened to more if you keep your speech polished. It’s a waste of others time to use  “ums” and other fluff and commands respect. Additionally, filler words don’t add value to the goal of conversations, where both parties leave feeling understood. Alternatives like pauses, simply taking some time to think instead of polluting the air was may be one of the most underrated speaking tools of our time.
2. Acknowledge their circumstance. During conversations, people are trying to tell you something, and it’s up to you to not just listen but make them feel understood.  Acknowledgment not to be confused with “agreement” of their circumstance is a very powerful tool to do that. Making others feel understood by mirroring what they say, repeating it back, not directly of course or else you’ll sound like a robot, is a way of confirming that what you heard is correct and in turn making them feel listened too. 
3. Don’t say their no for them. No one likes being spoken for. Don’t say people’s “no” for them. It’s surprising how often we do this, often unknowingly. 

(Analogously, these same rules also apply to not just having more productive conversations in your personal life but also more productive conversations with your prospects in sales or your manager)

To become a better conversationalist you must establish some actionable items. If you begin following the three tips outlined above, you’ll have started the journey to becoming a better conversations.