Today I realized that I’ve been buying into a lie.

Now, let me back up and add some context.

For at least 8 months now, maybe even more, I’ve had a book idea that’s been eating away at the back of my brain.

As this book idea continues to age and the idea expiration date I’ve set for myself approaches (an idea expiration date is a time frame/deadline you give your ideas – mine is a year for bigger projects like this one) I’ve been thinking about this book a lot lately.

The title is “The Cost of Comparison – And The Power Of Individuality – the growing harms of social media and how it affects us” – or something along those lines.

The effects of social media are undeniable. Studies show that even though we are more connected than ever before we generally feel sadder and lonelier than ever before.

One study examined the links between Facebook use and general well-being. “We found that the more you use Facebook over time, the more likely you are to experience negative physical health, negative mental health and negative life satisfaction,” says study author Holly Shakya, assistant professor and social media researcher at the University of California, San Diego.

Even though we want others to like us we are more unhappy and discontent than ever before.

This act of running your own PR campaign is absolutely exhausting.

We have dramatically scaled the keeping up with the Joneses mentality and are no longer limited to simply our direct neighbors but now freely compare our daily activities to the majority of our friends as well as the millions of other users on social media.

And of course, it’s highly likely that of those many people there are a few who appear to be having a better day than you. We ask ourselves if my day isn’t going 10/10 and the people’s life around me appear to always be perfect what is wrong with me!?

It’s our human nature to compare – social media serves as a destructive catalyst.

Putting on a facade while constantly feeling scrutinized and continuing to play in a never-ending string of performances.

The effects of social media extend far beyond what I’ve briefly mentioned.

But a particularly dangerous effect of social media is that it’s given us access to a very dangerous drug in high doses – the drug of validation. This literal drug comes in the form of dopamine – the same substance that is released in your brain that leads you to drink or smoke.

But in this case, we receive dopamine through others approval. Turning to their opinions and good favor to guide us. Making a vicious cycle because we also know what we can easily/quickly do to get it, post a photo, update your status, text 20 of your friend “hey, what’s up?”

Validation feels good.

We feast on it.

Taking these insights among other’s has made the topic of comparison and social media near and dear to my heart. Today I discovered a key chapter of that book, by finally pin pointing a lie I’ve been buying into. This is a key piece of the puzzle for my book journey and in many ways what I felt was missing to get started.

The lie I was subconsciously believing was: “my work matters when it’s recognized.”

Whether my work is recognized or not does not make it good.

The validation of others is not what makes my work good.

The quality of your work does not change based on recognition.

Now that this lie is identified and in the open, it’s time to live it.