For a singular person, there are a multitude of perspectives.

When two individuals discuss it would be odd, and in my view a tragedy, if they were to hold identical perspectives on everything.

Luckily, this is hardly the case. We often have many unique and different perspectives, a true gift. However, what to do when you have conflicting perspectives and a solution needs to be reached? 

Enter our hero, the distinction between understanding and agreement. 

As is often the case,  distinctions are the keys to unlocking entry to the secret garden of prosperity.

Those who are not aware of this distinction act hesitantly, myself in the past as well, to show understanding, because they think understanding equates to agreement. And to be honest, the common context in which “I understand” is used, often implies agreement. 

Why is this distinction so important?

Humans are irrational beings.

Most people in the world act out of emotion – not logic. 

After all, who in their right mind pay $2,000 for a pizza? 

 To counter faulty logic with our own logic usually results in arguing circles. You need to tap into their emotions and find the REAL reason they hold x perspective.

This is difficult to do when we think we can not understand or empathize with the opposing perspective because we view that as synonymous with agreement. 

Making the end goal of reaching a solution very difficult indeed. 

When seeking to understand be prepared: the reason might not be logical, and that’s expected, we’re irrational beings after all!

Simply, try to get the best understanding possible.

Now often people stop here. But in doing so they miss the most crucial part, verbalizing their understanding! 

Ask them, “It seems you’re really concerned about _____” or “It sounds like ___ is really important to you.” If they reply “no” you’ve framed your observations in a way that make it easy for them to correct you, and for you to not come off as assumptions. If you get it wrong, or they have additional concerns respond “Oh – got it. You’re also concerned with ____…Totally understand. Besides those two things, is there anything else? Okay. Let me just make sure I understand correctly. If _______, would you be interested in ___(alt perspective)?

Go forth and seek to understand, but don’t confuse understanding with agreement!