Don’t define your relationships by hurt.
Because it makes the worst things the focal point while the good is overlooked.
First, take the risk to be empathetic.
Try explain the relationship through the other person’s eyes to see where they’re coming from.
Understand that they can’t read your mind to know your preverences.
And although there are basic levels of decency that are appreciated across people, there are still surprising nuances to you as an individual.
Communicate those nuances in values and preferences.
Then, set boundaries in alignment with them and let those define your relationship.